On Life (in general)

August used to be my favorite month (I think it still is). It is the month, aside from December, that I look forward each year. For me, it is the best month in a year for the simplest reason that it is my birth month. But somehow, things have been crazy this month that I started to wonder, what did I do wrong to actually feel this way.

I hate being sad. For someone who is as bubbly, as cheerful, and as optimistic as me, you barely see or read sad/depressing tweets from me. You see, I don't have a perfect life but after I went through last year/early this year, I started appreciating all the good things about life. I stopped complaining, I stopped wanting more, I stopped focusing on things that I cannot change. Maybe, that's the reason why lately, I've been feeling down and sad. It is more than the weather reason (People are more sad when it's raining, that's what Roan used to tell me). I think it is because I have been going back to my old self -- which I don't like.

Things I did wrong:

1. Liking/taking care of the wrong boy who barely cares about what I was feeling. I can't believe that I allowed some random boy to ruin my 23rd birthday just because he didn't greet me. Seriously, is he that important? I shouldn't have allowed him to have that much control in my life.

2. Trusting the wrong people or "friends" if they still want to call themselves that. I almost forgot who I was or who I wanted to be. I don't want a big circle of friends. I don't want to be present in all Friday gimiks. I don't want to travel with a lot of people I barely know. I love knowing a lot of people though but I've always wanted a small, close, and trustworthy set of friends. I think I already have that. What went wrong? I forgot who I was and was tempted to belong to groups with "power." I just want random dinners and movies and chikahan session. And the sad part, I forgot that.

3. Wanting to reach my dreams ASAP. I was living happily in my EMEA shift and role when I wanted to get out of it, become an SCQV, so that I can be a PM ASAP. The result? I am still not happy. I miss my EMEA shift and role. I miss the time flexibility. I miss the fact that I do not need to compete with anybody. I miss going to the office twice a week. I miss all the things I can do before going to work. I miss my importance. And I won't deny it, I miss the salary.

My mom would always tell me that I always rush things. And I think she's right. I always want things to happen in my own time frame. I am always forgetting that God's time is always the right time. So now, I wait. I wait for God's time for me to fall in-love and be found by the right one. I wait for my turn to be stressed out to become a PM. I will be patient and just wait :)

As I welcome the -ber months, I take away the boy, the not-so-trustworthy friends, and the unnecessary stress that career and work is bringing to my happy life.

As I welcome September, I will take away all the people (and things) that make me sad, disappointed, and worried. I will take away all the negative vibes that this month brought into my life. I will take away expectations, unrequited love, people with so many issues, and irritating/negative ones. So, if you're one of the ones mentioned above, I'm sorry but I do not have room for you in my life :) Again, I do not need lots of people to share this journey with, I just need the right ones :)

And I guess that will make me the happy, bubbly, and cheerful Rach again. I will take one day at a time, one role at a time, one friend at a time, one project at a time, one boy at a time, one experience at a time, and I am sure, things will be way better than this month :)

I will surround myself with people who make me happy and inspired, of people who want to be part of my life, with people who care enough with what I'm feeling, and with people whom I can trust. I will surround my -ber months with happy thoughts and wonderful memories and I know, I will never be sad again. Or I will still be, but it will be bearable :)

Thank you August for teaching me lessons I've almost forgotten! :)